I quietly sit at the table listening to the conversations around me. That’s my role in most social situations. I’m not the center of attention. I’ve spent so much of my life not being the center of attention that on the rare occasion I find myself there you wanna bet I’ll be sweating and probably tripping over my words and sounding like a grade A nummah.
It isn’t one of those rare moments, thank God, so I just sit back and listen. I pride myself for being a good listener. It’s what I’ve been doing all my life. Listening. I like when people come to me to talk. I learn a lot by hearing about other people’s lives and perspectives. It is hard sometimes, wanting to join a conversation, having something I want to contribute, yet lacking the assertive nature to jump in and interrupt the alphas. It’s not just hard, it’s exhausting.
When it finally does become my turn to talk it’s usually in smaller group settings. That’s where I’m most comfortable being me. And when it is my turn to share I want to be heard and acknowledged. I figure I’m owed that much for enduring story after story, interesting or not, right?
Is there anything worse than having something important to share and watching the moment pass by due to no break in conversation allowing you to do so? The witty response perched on the tip of my tongue, making me giddy with excitement to share, only Alpha doesn’t stop talking long enough for me to spew my thoughts. The conversation takes a turn and my thoughts no longer are relevant to the topic being discussed. I feel disappointed and relieved at the same time. I had the perfect quip, these people could have seen a flash of the person I am behind the quiet shell they know me to be. Oh well, I probably would have fumbled and bumbled it anyway.
Maybe worse than that is being talked over. We all know those people. The ones who do not follow social cues. There is no pausing when the other person starts speaking at the same time as them, they just keep on babbling. I bet they don’t follow the “every other” rule when leaving a crowded parking lot either. These people never hear anything other than the sound of their own voice. How do they learn anything?
And even worse than that, perhaps one of my top five pet peeves, is being ignored. I take the time to form sentences out loud and you can’t be bothered to acknowledge I spoke? Don’t feel like answering? First off, that’s rude AF. Secondly, a simple grunt or nod of the head would suffice. I don’t require a truckload of validation. Nod. Your. Head. Say, “Hmm.” “Oh, really?” “Wow.” If you need more suggestions on how to respond when you’re completely uninterested, don’t hesitate to reach out and ask me. I have a conglomerate of responses in my brain. I’ve been building it for years.
But the worst might be not having the right words to convey what I’m trying to say. Being misunderstood and having my words jumbled and tangled, making me seem like a version of myself even I don’t like. That’s why I like writing. I type out the words in my heart. I pause. I reread what I wrote. I hit backspace and try again. I repeat this process again and again until I’ve got it right. These words are mine. It’s what I’m thinking and feeling. I feel the same satisfaction at the end of the page that Alpha feels being in the spotlight surrounded by eager listeners. Because at the end of the day, alpha or omega, we all have one thing in common. We want to be heard.
Little Ms. Goody Two Shoes 