How many of you have ever been in a relationship so confident and secure you knew you never had to worry about your significant other straying? You had proclaimed to one another from the start that cheating was the one thing that would send you packing, no second chances, and it was ok because neither of you ever would.
But what if one of you did? Would you see it coming? Would you lie to yourself, refusing to believe he could ever betray you in such a way? Could you forgive him, and ever truly trust him again?
It happened to me.
I believed in him. I believed he was better than the type of person who cheats, and it was that belief that made me blind to the truth for a very long time. For what I did not realize at the time is there were so many signs pointing to the truth. Signs that could have prevented a great deal of heartache on my part.
He lied to everyone but me.
It was a character flaw, or so I had thought. It wasn’t always lying…he just had a way of embellishing the truth and leaving out facts. It wasn’t like he was a bad guy for wanting to entertain people with his exaggerations. I can admit now that I was never a fan of this trait, but relationships require patience and acceptance, and I was a dutiful wife after all. And his exaggerations and lies were for everyone but me. He was honest with me, I told myself.
Except he wasn’t. I didn’t even realize how far back the lies went until after it was over and I was no longer blinded by love. The trouble with a lie, one single white lie or omission of truth, is that it can make you question everything and anything that person ever told you.
If he’s not an honest guy; if it comes natural to him to fib, guess what? He will lie to you if he hasn’t already. It’s just a matter of time before you start feeling the seed of doubt begin to grow, usually for good reason.
Ring-a-ding-dong
For a long time, my ex wore his wedding ring with pride. Then one day it magically stopped fitting and he took it off.
Ok. Wedding rings don’t suddenly stop fitting. Douchebags who want to make someone believe they are available take their rings off.
Excuses like it’s too tight, it feels weird, I’m afraid to wear it to work are just that, excuses.
Underwear feels weird at first, but we don’t stop wearing them… Hopefully… And if you do, that’s too much information and you can keep it to yourself… And if the ring is suddenly too tight, tell fatty to eat a carrot or get it sized.
I’ll even be optimistic and say maybe there are jobs that make wearing jewelry dangerous. However, if your husband works in a cubicle and proclaims the copier tried to kill him by taking off his left ring finger, he might be up to no good.
Cell Phone Safeguarding
If your mate jumps out of bed in one sudden, barrel roll, overweight ninja-like movement, craftily snatching up his cell phone as you shuffle to the bathroom, he might be hiding something.
If he deletes his messages, suddenly develops a problem that sends him to the bathroom frequently (cell phone close at hand of course), or refuses to let you use his phone for anything, be suspicious. Be very suspicious, because I guarantee what he is hiding is not likely a spectacular surprise party in your honor…
Facebook phobia
Does he appear to be single on Facebook? Do you have to look hard and long before finding any pictures of yourself on his profile?
There are only two reasons a man hides his relationship from the public eye. He’s keeping his options open, or he’s lying to someone else about his relationship with you, and neither are honorable or even slightly imaginative.
If you bring it up be prepared for a barrage of excuses and accusations which will only make you feel like an over-needy burden, after all, how dare you question his motives? Don’t you trust him anymore? He doesn’t need to post pictures of the two of you together to prove he loves you, he married you. If marriage has become a word with no feelings or actions to back what it is supposed to be, he can’t use it as a tool to shut you up. You deserve to be loved, and any man truly in love with you will show it because he wants to. A man who loves you and is proud to be your husband will want the world to know he’s with you. Period.
Trust your instincts
Your instincts are there for a reason. If something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t right. Stop over analyzing and reasoning your fears and doubts. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it is not a kitten. Stop lying to yourself because you are afraid of losing a life that isn’t even serving you anymore. You are worth the chance at happiness, and you won’t find it putting up with anything less than the best.
As for me, once I finally let myself see the truth of what was going on in my marriage there was no going back. Some women (and men) can forgive betrayal by their spouse, and together they manage to heal and repair their once broken relationship. My hat’s off to the ones who grow and become better people as a result, and my heart is heavy for the ones that stay only for the unhealthy patterns to continue because they haven’t realized their self worth yet.
Little Ms. Goody Two Shoes 
Excellent!! Of course, they always are. Keep them coming.
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